Beds

Just returned from a week-long ski trip with the family to Engelberg, Switzerland, a hill of angels. The snow was great, experiencing the Swiss vacation culture was fantastic (even if most Swiss see Engelberg as too Auslander touristy), and re-learning to ski with the family was a fun experience. The kids really loved the skiing. By Friday, after a full week of ski school, they were blazing down hills and ready to move to the harder slopes. I loved watching them have fun, and it was cute to see them empathetic at my lower skill level. The ski lodges were perfect, and the food in the old restaurants in the village was superb.

So what's with the split mattress thing in Europe? Who in their right mind actually enjoys sleeping on a crack? It's rare to find a king size bed that isn't two twin mattresses shoved together. I don't get it, and would enjoy anyone in the know to enlighten me. Am I supposed to travel with some sort of mattress thingy that bridges the crack?

Hey Euro hotels! Cracks suck!

OMG Kansas City

I'm stuffed and ashamed. Fondue for me is usually fondon't. Sorry Swiss friends. I'm not really into the community dipping thing, but I won't think twice to pick up the pot and drink from it. I like to consume.

In no order of significance, here's a list of places I visited in KC just to stuff my grotesque face full of food (git in mah belleh): Winstead's, Chipotle, Jose Pepper's, Jalepeno's, Mi Ranchito, Ra, Sushi House, First Watch, Trevor and Lisa's, Grandma Betty's, Nana's, Auntie Lynn's, Knuckle Danny's, Einstein's Bagels, Panera's, OK Joe's, Jack's Stack, Starbuck's, QuikTrip, Blanc Burgers and Bottles, Coldstone Creamery, Yard House at Legend's, Harpo's, Snow Creek Cafe, my company's cafeteria...

I'm sick of being a food tube now. Looking forward to all the fitness I was complaining about, possibly even turning it up a notch. We leave tomorrow. Tonight it's snowing 700 feet. Hopefully we can still leave the driveway in the early morning. It will be an anxiety-filled fun time heading back, something we should plan to do frequently.

Not the same

I thought I was being clever when I blogged about tram signs, and things you can't do on trams and buses in Switzerland. Well, I guess Kansas City also has signs on buses which are restrictive for passengers, albeit two fifths less restrictive than Zurich, which seems typical of everything. Apparently on Kansas buses, we can still saw the seats. But, we are not allowed to use Harry Potter wands, eat hotdogs, drink sodas, nor carry on Peterbilt truck grills.

And, I tried a Haagen-Dazs bar out of Magnum desperation today. It's not the same. Nowhere close.

Gluttony

Sugar, enriched bleached wheat flour, water, partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, palm oil, corn syrup, corn starch... 370 calories, of which 150 directly from Fat (17g).

Basically, sugar and corn. Of course. I am corn.

I must admit I have fully enjoyed eating the last week with reckless abandon. Not that a week is edible, but I somehow managed to eat it. Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs, and Cupcakes. Oh my. Hostess probably didn't realize in 1967 that such branding names would turn out to be something someone doesn't want to eat. But hey, what's in a name?

In the spirit of Commercial Christmas ("ho ho ho" is the sound Santa makes), Sarah picked up a package of these at the QuikTrip, currently having visited 5 times so far. She knows my childhood emotions about such things. Along with thousands of calories, I still store fond memories of raiding the kitchen cabinets at 3am for the school lunch goodies. Back then they were individually wrapped with aluminum foil. Now, 3 are bundled and sold separately. Open the package, eat them all. I haven't seen these in Zurich, yet. I can't imagine smart people would let them in to pollute the food supply.

Gluttony used to be one of the 7 deadly sins. Now it's a logo on a hamburger joint in Adliswil.

Back, Day 1

Chipotle Pork Bol. Well worth the 18 hours of transit time. Mixed with two visits to QuikTrip, my daughter is in heaven.

Day started with Einstein's bagels for breakfast, moved to Chipotle's for lunch, and will finish with Jose Pepper's for dinner. Clearly we are unable to locate worthy Mexican food in Switzerland. If anyone knows of exceptional Mexican food in Zurich, I'm all ears.

Also made a visit to Lukas Liquors for four bottles of Stag's Leap Artemis. Will bring 2 back with me and give one to my now ex-boss, who claims he doesn't read this blog, but somehow can always quote it. :) Hi Ex-Boss; bottle on its way.

PACK!

Tomorrow we head to Kansas, passing through Newark on our way.

her: What the ... ?? You're BLOGGING instead of PACKING??
me: I'm a pro. I can pack in 10 minutes. I have it down to a science now.
her: Whatever, "Pro". You aren't remembering the last time you waited until the last minute?
me: I always wait until I leave to pack.
her: Ok, you're a packing scientist. Which means you have perfected it down to forgetting only 2.4 items you need to pack.
me: Huh? 2.4?
her: 1 shoe, 1 pair of matching suit pants but you have the jacket, and 40% of your shaving kit.
me: (blink)

Egg nine beef

me: "Hey, Mom. How do you say 'egg nine beef' in French?"
gus: "What? Egg nine beef? What does that mean?"
kris: "Oeuf neuf boeuf?"
gus and sarah: "HA HA HA HA"

Kris had her wallet stolen today. Now we go through the process of canceling credit cards and stuff. This will be fun.

OMG France

Went to Paris this week to see a couple of European icons: the Eiffel Tower, and the Louvre. My wife originally rented an apartment for the six of us (her, me, my kids, and my parents). It seemed like a good idea, one I approved when we saw the pictures of it on the Internet. Suffice it to say we're all instead at the Hotel Opal. After a grueling night, we each concurred that it was not exactly the place we would choose again.

We made it to the top of the Tower. Took this picture with my work Blackberry. The camera on it sucks. We took more pictures while on the Tower, saw the city. The last time I visited Paris, I was able to take a crepe on the Eiffel Tower. Not this time, though. My kids laugh about that. Today we will attempt a visit at the Louvre Museum. I really want to see the Mona Lisa. If I see nothing else but this, I will be satisfied.

Spent the first night of our vacation in Geneva, walked around the city the next day. Lots of expensive brand name shops there. Took a train from Geneva to Paris on the second day. When we arrived at the Paris train station, I was a bit confused by the messages on the signs. Again, another pic from my crepey Blackberry camera showed retards were probable in Avignon. Sorry about the quality of the photo.

OMG Greece

I was finally able to make it outside the hotels where the software conference is being held. This was the Athens view from the restaurant where I had dinner last night. The restaurant is called Dionysos, and wow it is something. Not a bad seat in the house. The restaurant decor has spared no expense, and the service was fantastic.

I stumbled into a lunch spot just beneath the Acropolis, called Geros Toy Moria, in the winding roads of Plaka. We sat at a table on a hillside sidewalk, drank espressos, had an awesome tomato salad, ate fresh-catch fish, and finished with baklava. Again, the service was exceptional. They compete with the gentleman who has situated his restaurant directly next door, down the sidewalk. It is quaint to watch them entice the potentials.

Today we visited several islands. I couldn't help continuously asking directions to the town named Vagia on the island of Aegina.

Momentum

Being in Switzerland puts me in the middle of places I have only read about. I haven't traveled outside of Switzerland since landing in Zurich in August. My wife and kids went to London over a break, so they are enjoying this benefit without me. I haven't been able to take advantage of where I am located for a few reasons, but this week, I am in Athens, Greece, at a software conference called "Momentum". And, while I haven't yet made it out to see the awesome sites and to take photos of the inspring and very old landmarks, I did have to wonder what the graphic designer of this directional sign was thinking.

I can say I have been eating more food here than I would in Switzerland. Maybe the graphic designer has been, too.

Italy

Kris is making plans for travel to Rome over the October break. Sarah just found out when Kris asked me a question about rental car insurance.

sarah: We're going to Italy?
me: Yeah.
sarah: When??
kris: Over your October break.
me: I love Italian food.
sarah: They don't call it Italian food there. They call it food food.

Day 1 & 2

Day 1:

We landed, we went through passport control, collected our baggage and dog (who really had to go, really really), and headed toward customs. We paid CHF 80 at customs as an animal entry tax. We exited customs into the airport lobby and we were greeted by our relocation agent, Barbara. Barbara is awesome, and I am exceptionally grateful for her being assigned to us by my employer.

She puts the kennel into the back of her rented station wagon while Kris and Bear find a private spot where he can take care of his business. I pack 8 bags, 2 kids, and myself into a mini-van-sized taxi (CHF 100). Barbara takes Kris and Bear. We drive to the new apartment, drop off all the bags. At this point, I'm feeling the lack of sleep, the time change, and the Swiss love for exercise.

Rather than napping, we all get back into Barbara's car (including Bear), and drive to the Rueschlikon town hall to register (at the Kreisburo). We must do this at the time of our arrival, before we do anything else. It is the rule. Each of us have to a have an extra passport photo, which we prepared in Connecticut. We used these photos on our travel visas in NYC, and they are now embedded into our passports.

The Kreisburo official tells us only my photo will work for this very official registration. I am only half smiling, with of course the look of omg-I-have-to-live-in-Switzerland. Kris, Sarah, and Gus are all smiling happily, showing their teeth and their happiness to be moving to Europe. The official explains to us these photos are not acceptable because the Swiss government cannot accept people who are laughing at them in their photos. If I'd only known...

We pay our CHF 450 in whatever fees to this lovely office. I guess it includes a pet registration tax. But we still must provide three more photos. We proceed to the local bahnhof (train station) where there is a cheesy photo booth. We pay CHF 8 per person to have our new photos. Gus has a look of utter shock and surprise. Kris has a look of "I just traveled overnight, slept only 4 hours, and haven't brushed my teeth" for her new photo. Sarah's is quite cute and reusable. We go back to the Kreisburo, hand in our photos to complete the proces.

We then walk to Die Banc (UBS) to open an account. They inform us that all Americans must open an account at the central quarters, conveniently located at the airport. Oh well. We'll try this some other time. Instead we walk next door to Die Post, to pick up our Cabelcom items for Internet, phone, and cable box. I walk back to the car and drop off the box. Kris, Sarah, Gus, and Bear walk to Migros, the local grocery store. Bear is allowed to go anywhere except for places where food is being sold. Even some restaurants will allow dogs in. They haven't met Bear yet. I guess here, the German speaking dogs understand the importance of discipline. Bear and I wait outside while Kris, the kids, and Barbara go shopping. Only Kris knows how much she spent. She won't share that with me for some reason. They drive back to the apartment while I get the opportunity to walk with Bear, all the way back. Had I known that we could leave, not sure I would have stayed, waiting with a thirsty dog in the sun.

Barbara leaves us at the apartment, to return later in the evening. Kris and I shower. I have to become used to the idea that I'm using something called gel-douche, and that it's ok to be rubbing this on my body. I also have to get used to the idea that each cleansing product looks the same blue hue, smells the same, but is somehow formulated to be different for hair and one's body, and is packaged and labeled differently, in German. Or maybe this was just Kris' choice at the Migros.

Since our belongings don't arrive until Wednesday at exactly 3pm, and we have nothing to cook with or eat on, Barbara offers to bring over a few things until we receive our stuff. Barbara returns with these things in the evening, and then takes Kris shopping again somewhere. I don't know where since Gus, Bear, and I stayed behind. Kris returns with more stuff we'll give away at the end of my assignment.

Kris decides we need to eat at Au Gratin's, across from the main train station. We arrive at 10pm, return by midnight, to find that one does NOT leave the lights on if the windows are cracked. The moths were plentiful.

Day 2:

I am awakened at 7:15am to guns or fireworks. Not sure. I close the windows and go back to sleep. All of us sleep until noon. Today is Swiss National Day. Nothing is open. All of the boats that exist in Zurich are on the lake. Kris takes Bear for a walk on the lake. She returns to find me, Gus, and Sarah eating Coco Krispies out of coffee cups. Her frustration is visible because she had a European breakfast in mind she wanted to prepare... of scrambled eggs, fresh cherries, sliced bananas, soft cheese, bread, and ice-cube-free diet coke. We eat breakfast. The eggs are a little over-salted. The kids give their eggs to Bear.

We unpack, move stuff around. My new favorite phrase: "Has anyone seen my _________?"

Later, we will go watch whatever is in store for Swiss National Day, and spend more money on food.

Vans

We rented a big white van today. My wife, Kris, found it at Dollar Rental. To avoid all of the unnecessary point-to-point fees, we drove to JFK (about 2 hours one way) since this is where we will return it on Thursday. Tomorrow will be consumed with moving boxes into a different moving van, so today was our best shot at organizing this.

When Kris and I first discussed the idea, we thought we were clever. Afterall, we are lugging 8 bags, the four of us, and a dog in the maximum sized kennel allowed. He fits comfortably into it with enough room to take a running lunge at the kennel door whenever we hold a treat outside the closed gate.

After working out the paperwork at the front counter, I found my rental tucked into slot #31. It was the only one of its kind. Hard to miss. I looked it over for damage. I opened the back door and found 3 bench seats for 10 passengers in nice neat rows, and thought "this won't do." I walked toward a gate where a rounder-than-me Bronx gentleman was ready to hear just what the hell I was doing.

Me: Hi.

Him: (Silence.)

Me: So I'm bringing this back here on Thursday with my wife, two kids, 8 bags, and a dog kennel with a dog inside of it.

Him: (Silence.)

Me: I'm wondering if I can just leave two of those back seats here with you?

Him: (grunt) Nnnnnnnnnope. (Awkward pause.)

Me: You don't do that, eh?

Him: Nope. We used to. But then ass-hats would drop the van off in some other city, we had to ship or drive the seats there, and it became a whole new kinda mess.

Me: So, any thoughts on how I can get my luggage packed into it? Maybe I can stack the seats or something?

Him: Nope. No idea. (Another awkward pause.)

Me: Hm. Well, I paid for the total liability rider. Maybe I could just drive down the way and toss two of those benches out the window?

Him: You could, but then you'd be sued for negligence.

Me: I'll be in Switzerland.

Him: (grunt)

Me: So is there someone back inside that office I just came from that would take two benches and hold onto them?

Him: With all due respect, sir, I'm the highest ranking employee on this staff. If they tell you any different, I'll have to fire them.

Me: (grunt) So do they promote people here who are creative with problem-solving? Or militant about protocols?

Him: Next.

And so, I left the parking lot with 2 extra bench seats intact, locked into the back of my rental. I quickly called Kris.

Me: There's two extra bench seats in the back we don't need.

Her: What? Well what can we fit there?

Me: 9 or 10 things that have knees and butts.

Her: (Silence.)

First Swiss Photo

At first I struggled with what would be my first photo from Switzerland. There are so many to choose from: The Alps, the lake, churches, a carnival-like fair that interrupts the beauty of the architecture every couple of years, wonderful restaurants, chocolates, watches, lovely Europeans walking to and fro with their loaf of bread and a bottle of wine... so many choices!

The one I selected is also posted in my facebook photos. It is the one that seemingly shows up whenever I call Kris on her iphone. I guess it gives her a titter.

We were walking along, very quietly like polite Swiss citizens, when Kris spotted this fountain and would not stop laughing. The words that broke her silence were: "What the... ??? Is that a ... ??? Omg. Go stand next to that and let me take your picture."