Cough

I am told May Day is the day restaurants in Zurich stop allowing smoking inside. So many of my Swiss colleagues smoke. I have family members who smoke. Nevertheless, here are things I like to do around smokers:

1) Ausfahrt. That's a joke for my kids.
2) Extrafahrt. That's a joke for a (rare) reader.
3) Cough.
4) Complain out loud to my friends.
5) Escape.
6) Suffer.
7) Belch in their direction.

I figure if I have to suffer through their exhaust, they can sense mine.

Crosswalks

Step into a crosswalk here, all traffic stops for you. Do that in New York City, you'll get mowed over by a taxi.

I don't know the rules for crosswalks well enough here. I stop every time and wait for any car to stop, or to pass, so that I can cross safely. But I see many many people just stepping into a yellow striped zone as though there is this bubble of safety around them.

My dog, Bear, feels confident crossing streets only in these yellow zones now. Maybe he's Swiss.

Pub

I was at a so-called American Pub last week, the one I have mentioned in the past. I asked this question to a Swiss colleague.

me: So, does this place remind you of America?
him: (looking around) No, not really. I mean it's decorated with American things.
me: Then what would remind you of an American pub?
him: Hooters.
me: HA HA HA HA... That's my next blog post.
him: (blink)

Mike Babel'er

I've complained in the past about my German. I've complained about how hard it is for me to pick it up because I work in an office where everyone also speaks English, willingly. I learned last week what it would be like to not have this luxury.

A colleague invited me to a meeting where external hardware sales vendors were involved. Somewhere along the way he did not receive my acceptance to attend. Everyone else who was to attend spoke Swiss German as their native language, so the meeting was announced it would be in German. I showed up prior to the meeting, and many apologies were given, but the meeting would continue in German. The first question to me was, in German, "Do you prefer High German or Swiss German?" Recognizing 50% of the question being asked, I responded in English "You can use whatever you wish because I don't know either." A chuckle or two, and the meeting continued in Swiss German, with my plea to continue. I followed along at a surprising pace of about 20% in the language, and augmenting my knowledge with the mixed English and German slides.

But my minimal grasp of the language was not the only thing I noticed about this meeting. What I noticed was that people with whom I have worked face to face for the past 7 months all interacted quite different with subtleties and nuance when using their native language than when using English. This was so amazing to me that after the meeting I googled speech perception and cross language behaviors. I found quite a bit of published material claiming different pathways through the brain for speaking and hearing in another language. It was a pretty incredible revelation for me. Not sure if non-native English speakers realize this but their personalities change to something far more comfortable and relaxed when they aren't forced to speak my language with me.

Maybe I should learn German, and present a whole new personality.

Tipping

I spent the better part of 3 years waiting tables. I eventually ended up at two very nice restaurants in Kansas City. I made enough money to be able to purchase my wife's wedding ring, which she still has 22 years later (20.5 years plus a 1.5 year engagement). She was very surprised way back then that I could afford it.

I made this kind of money with providing exceptional service, and being rewarded with extra money at the end of the bill called a tip. I still received an hourly wage, but it was the absolute minimum. One cannot live easily on such means as a minimum without the help of tips. Tipping is a reward system based in Expectancy Theory, or true pay for performance. It is also a risk game, the risk being that no matter what kind of service I provide, I could end up "stiffed", with no reward at the end. Tipping is at the discretion of the paying customer but in the US, at least 15% is expected, but 20% is most common. My wife hates that I exceed 20%. I do it often because it makes me feel good. I couldn't really care that the waiter might blow it up his nose, at least that's the image my wife has of waiters even though she married one who is very much not that. In the US, I do the same with cab drivers, ice cream vendors, even the mailman at Christmas. It is not a sign of flaunting money, it is a sign of generosity, and spreading generosity makes me feel good. I most often do this as I am leaving, without looking back for a reaction. My children see this generosity, and the feeling of reward it brings me, and also try to emulate it.

Now transfer into Switzerland my habits and expectations of self-rewarding through tipping others. When I eat at restaurants with my friends from Europe, I am politely informed at the end of each meal that tipping in Switzerland is often about 1 to 2 percent, a rounding up, a token of thanks. I am reminded wait service in Switzerland earns a regular salary, a good salary, a fair wage. I am reminded of this frequently, with good intentions and very politely, because I am an American... giving the impression of impolitely throwing money around. Not a good image to have here.

This is a cultural difference, and I perceive it to also be inconsistent. In times where I have tested this difference, some waiters seem quite grateful to receive a boost, unless in a crowd of others where they might politely decline to allow it. Of course, it could also be they are just politely accepting, under their breath calling me an idiot. It wouldn't be the first time I accepted that label.

The other night a taxi driver argued with me, with fervor I might add, that I was giving him too much. In Chicago, my favorite city on the planet, they'll bitch at you if you don't tip. Quite different.

Beds, revisited

After reading one of my rants on king-sized European beds in European hotels, and how they have these sucky cracks in them, a friend sent me a link to solving this problem.

There are many ways to solve a problem. And I do thank you for the link. I would also propose this solution tends to treat the symptoms rather than addressing the root cause.

In my opinion, if European hotels would only invest in king sized mattresses, this strange concept of shoved-together twin mattresses would not cause those of us who hate bed cracks to whine. If king-sized mattresses are too expensive, then yes, this solution is quite useful. Why not provide it to travelers as an already installed benefit? I am still not satisfied with why the twin concept with crack exists in the first place. No one has offered a reasonable benefit for having a crackified bed.

I have a reputation in Switzerland which is often given to a very small child who asks these kinds of questions, who does not understand "why this, why that". One might say this is needed, to change a status quo, to enrich and improve the 08/15. The ones who say that are not likely to be living in Switzerland. Big changes begin with a series of very small and often unnoticed changes, like a river begins with droplets of water. Or like carbon dioxide can melt polar caps.

Lost and found

sarah: OH NO!
me: What?
sarah: I LEFT MY PURSE AND CAMERA ON THE TRAIN!

There's this ill feeling in one's stomach when they realize they just lost something very valuable to them. If my 12-year-old daughter didn't have her head glued to her neck... well... I don't actually have a joke for that one.

Here's a list from my memory of things she has lost. It may be inaccurate because I am old and I don't speak German::
- Purse and camera (turned in WITH CASH at the bahnhof lost and found)
- KEY TO THE APARTMENT (turned in at school)
- Scooter (turned in at school)
- Shoes, pants, coat, shirts (not sure how that happens, really)
- KEY TO THE APARTMENT AGAIN (turned in at school)
- School books and important notebooks (turned in at school)
- Purse at school (turned in WITH CASH at school)
- Backpack at bus stop (turned in by some random lady AT SCHOOL)
- KEY TO THE APARTMENT AGAIN (turned in at school)

Here's a list from my memory of things Gus has lost:
- ...

My purpose for this post is not specifically to point out what has been lost, although it is humorous to me and I would prefer that it stayed lost to teach. But it's more than impressive what has been returned. In the US, we learned the pit in stomach feeling because we always knew with 99.9% certainty we would never see it again. Here, there is (so far) a 90% probability that we will see it again if we check the various lost and found locations. That is impressive.

Not sure what it is that drives this behavior but it would be an interesting cultural learning for me. My first guess why so many people are motivated by honesty and paying it forward is fearing the risk of being caught and the resulting hits in reputation. Quality of reputation and protecting it seems exceptionally important.

Photos

Carrying a camera makes you a target of attention. Most often, pictures with people in them are a "no no" here for a couple of important reasons. 1) Discretion will be maintained at all times as a core value. 2) Sometimes nudity happens; refer back to #1.

As an American, I am hard-wired to be embarrassed at witnessing nudity. Europeans advertise it. To a European, I am laughed at because of my obvious allergic reaction to silly things like nude statues, or moreso happening upon a cabaret club while walking to a restaurant with my wife. It's very entertaining to see me squirm at something that was clearly intended to be appreciated, a human body. Lots of faux pas stories exist about spas, in and outside the country. So stuffy to be an American. To me, I laugh because I can't get the picture out of my head of Virginia and Roger Clarvin, aka Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell on Saturday Night Live as the hot tub lovers. To an American, flaunting nudity means somethings completely different.

Anyway, be careful here with exposing... cameras...