Tipping

I spent the better part of 3 years waiting tables. I eventually ended up at two very nice restaurants in Kansas City. I made enough money to be able to purchase my wife's wedding ring, which she still has 22 years later (20.5 years plus a 1.5 year engagement). She was very surprised way back then that I could afford it.

I made this kind of money with providing exceptional service, and being rewarded with extra money at the end of the bill called a tip. I still received an hourly wage, but it was the absolute minimum. One cannot live easily on such means as a minimum without the help of tips. Tipping is a reward system based in Expectancy Theory, or true pay for performance. It is also a risk game, the risk being that no matter what kind of service I provide, I could end up "stiffed", with no reward at the end. Tipping is at the discretion of the paying customer but in the US, at least 15% is expected, but 20% is most common. My wife hates that I exceed 20%. I do it often because it makes me feel good. I couldn't really care that the waiter might blow it up his nose, at least that's the image my wife has of waiters even though she married one who is very much not that. In the US, I do the same with cab drivers, ice cream vendors, even the mailman at Christmas. It is not a sign of flaunting money, it is a sign of generosity, and spreading generosity makes me feel good. I most often do this as I am leaving, without looking back for a reaction. My children see this generosity, and the feeling of reward it brings me, and also try to emulate it.

Now transfer into Switzerland my habits and expectations of self-rewarding through tipping others. When I eat at restaurants with my friends from Europe, I am politely informed at the end of each meal that tipping in Switzerland is often about 1 to 2 percent, a rounding up, a token of thanks. I am reminded wait service in Switzerland earns a regular salary, a good salary, a fair wage. I am reminded of this frequently, with good intentions and very politely, because I am an American... giving the impression of impolitely throwing money around. Not a good image to have here.

This is a cultural difference, and I perceive it to also be inconsistent. In times where I have tested this difference, some waiters seem quite grateful to receive a boost, unless in a crowd of others where they might politely decline to allow it. Of course, it could also be they are just politely accepting, under their breath calling me an idiot. It wouldn't be the first time I accepted that label.

The other night a taxi driver argued with me, with fervor I might add, that I was giving him too much. In Chicago, my favorite city on the planet, they'll bitch at you if you don't tip. Quite different.